jocelyn

Today I'm sad. When I left Melbourne 6 years ago, the hardest thing was leaving my cat behind. Ralfie offered to take care of her for a few months until I settled in somewhere. I guess it took me a while to settle in because at some point - after "a few months" turned into a much longer period of time - I agreed to let Ralfie be responsible for caring for her full time - she effectively became his cat, or 'our' cat. It was a hard decision, though I came to realise I'd done the best thing for her. For various reasons I never thought she'd be happy where I live in Sydney and when she became blind a couple of years ago I knew she wouldn't adapt to somewhere new.

I remember the first time she met Ralfie. I was living in a shoebox in North Fitzroy and he'd come over for a visit - we hadn't known each other long. Joc showed her instant approval of Ralfie by jumping on his lap (not something she did with everyone). That was 10 years ago. I had no idea he'd ever play such a huge role in her life. I stay with Ralfie whenever I go to Melbourne and spending time with Joc was always a delight. Some people said she wouldn't remember me, but she did. On many of my first nights back in town she'd sleep with me like she always had. I got her as a 5 or 6 week old kitten (a Christmas gift in 1990 when she could fit in one hand). We'd been through a lot together - moving house (at least 5 times), different boyfriends (about the same number as house moves), bouts of depression (never counted), good times too - she was always a great comfort. In the last couple of years, as she got older, it was hard to say goodbye to her each time I returned to Sydney. I wondered if it'd be the last time I saw her. So, on my trip to Melbourne about 3 weeks ago I was so pleased to see how well she looked. One day I spent all morning with her just having a love-in, like we used to - me in bed reading, Jocel beside me. When I returned to Sydney there wasn't the dread that I often felt. I'd had a great time with her...

I rang Ralfie last night and he told me Joc wasn't very well. When we spoke again this morning he told me she died at 5:30am. I was awake at that time, thinking about her, trying not to worry, but also sending out a message that if she wanted to go, it was okay. She's not the first pet I've lost and she won't be the last. It never gets any easier. I'm sad, but I'm grateful that for 15 and a half years I had this little creature in my life bringing me joy and love

pace be with you

Where have I been? I just got off the phone from Jon. I told him I was in a good head space and I wanted to have a night to myself. I just want to write and think and see what happens...

I had a cleansing 2 weeks in Melbourne. Overall. Though I'm not sure where a night on E comes into the game. It was definitely fun (hello Sheila). Saw my cat. Saw my friends n family. Saw Ten Canoes and fell asleep (and I'm still tossing up whether to see it again on the big screen). Saw people I hadn't seen in a long time...

My friend Brian has lived around the St Kilda area for about 15 years now. We met each other 19 years ago. He was running some acting workshops and I went along for an 8 or 10 week course when I was 21 I guess. At the end of that course Brian said to me, "Promise me you'll continue acting" so I did for a few years and I'm sure I will again. In 1995 when I was studying for my BA I made a short film (comedy/musical sort of thing inspired by my wedding.). Brian played the Celebrant in it and once again he encouraged me. At the end of the Gala Premiere Screening of Just Married he came over to me and said he'd enjoyed it and found it better than he'd expected. I described him once as my mentor. Once upon a time we shared a passion for Charles Bukowski. I still do. I imagine he does too. I'll have to ask him next time. Anyway, I was wandering around the streets of St Kilda with Ralfie n Scruff (the dog) when we came across a couple out walking with their dog. It was Brian and his wife and their dog (first meeting with the beautiful wife and the handsome canine). The last time Brian and I had seen each other was when we bumped into each other in the street just over 6 years ago, and only a week or two before I left Melbourne for Sydney. So we caught up again during this recent time in Melbourne and I'd been thinking about him only a day or so before. It was good for both of us.

I'm proud of myself for telling Jon I wanted a night to myself. I'm pleased he was accommodating. Last night he waited for me for an hour. I was working over in Newtown all afternoon and stayed for a chat n a joint afterwards. Jon finished work at 5 pm and went straight to my place (10 mins away). I left Newtown at 6 stoned n feeling fabulous. No coins for the bus and I decided it'd be fun to walk. It was. I walked from Newtown to Central Station mesmerised, singing, full of joy. Caught a taxi home from Central with a great driver (in the end) and a woman who shared to Pitt Street (or somewhere). I walked in the front door, ignored the mail package waiting for me (thanks eBay) and checked messages straight away. I knew Jon would be wondering where I was because we'd arranged to see a film (Solo) at 7:15 and it was now 6:30 or later. Turns out he was sitting out the back laneway in his car - another 5 mins and he'd be gone. Yes, I knew he was coming over after work, I just thought he'd wait to hear from me before arriving.

On the last day of my trip to Melbourne Ralfie hired a car and drove me n Scruff all over the place. It was beautiful and peaceful n relaxing. We saw roos and crazy cats as we travelled from Hurstbridge to Kinglake. We walked along a track in the National Park, took pics, got back to the car and headed through the fog for Mount Evelyn via Yarra Glen, Coldstream and Lilydale. Stopped at a couple of nurseries. Drove up the Dandenong Mountains, ate and headed back to town (via the Laird Hotel in Collingwood). All at our own pace.

Ralfie took the pic

laundry bag

Tomorrow I'm flying down to Melbourne for a couple of weeks and my bags aren't packed, I'm not ready to go, but that's not unusual. And I'll have to take my dirty laundry with me because I haven't had a chance to do any clothes washing (for over a week). That's not unusual either...

One time I was flying to Jakarta to visit a friend and I had a very late night the night before I departed (I was a student trying to finish off an essay). I woke up when the taxi driver was knocking on my door. Shit! I told him to wait a minute then I had a quick shower, threw some stuff in a suitcase (yep, dirty laundry), kissed the cat goodbye and off we went. When I arrived in Jakarta the first thing I did was get my washing sorted out. I've done the same thing on a previous trip to Melbourne too (though without the last minute dash). I arrive with my (smelly) bag, put the washing on and start my adventures. Ahh holidaze, so relaxing