jocelyn

Today I'm sad. When I left Melbourne 6 years ago, the hardest thing was leaving my cat behind. Ralfie offered to take care of her for a few months until I settled in somewhere. I guess it took me a while to settle in because at some point - after "a few months" turned into a much longer period of time - I agreed to let Ralfie be responsible for caring for her full time - she effectively became his cat, or 'our' cat. It was a hard decision, though I came to realise I'd done the best thing for her. For various reasons I never thought she'd be happy where I live in Sydney and when she became blind a couple of years ago I knew she wouldn't adapt to somewhere new.

I remember the first time she met Ralfie. I was living in a shoebox in North Fitzroy and he'd come over for a visit - we hadn't known each other long. Joc showed her instant approval of Ralfie by jumping on his lap (not something she did with everyone). That was 10 years ago. I had no idea he'd ever play such a huge role in her life. I stay with Ralfie whenever I go to Melbourne and spending time with Joc was always a delight. Some people said she wouldn't remember me, but she did. On many of my first nights back in town she'd sleep with me like she always had. I got her as a 5 or 6 week old kitten (a Christmas gift in 1990 when she could fit in one hand). We'd been through a lot together - moving house (at least 5 times), different boyfriends (about the same number as house moves), bouts of depression (never counted), good times too - she was always a great comfort. In the last couple of years, as she got older, it was hard to say goodbye to her each time I returned to Sydney. I wondered if it'd be the last time I saw her. So, on my trip to Melbourne about 3 weeks ago I was so pleased to see how well she looked. One day I spent all morning with her just having a love-in, like we used to - me in bed reading, Jocel beside me. When I returned to Sydney there wasn't the dread that I often felt. I'd had a great time with her...

I rang Ralfie last night and he told me Joc wasn't very well. When we spoke again this morning he told me she died at 5:30am. I was awake at that time, thinking about her, trying not to worry, but also sending out a message that if she wanted to go, it was okay. She's not the first pet I've lost and she won't be the last. It never gets any easier. I'm sad, but I'm grateful that for 15 and a half years I had this little creature in my life bringing me joy and love