change

Last week I bumped into a neighbour of mine from a few doors down. She inadvertently inspired me to get stuck into some spring cleaning when she asked about a guy who lives in my block of flats. "Hey", she said, "Is that guy a hoarder? I hear he's got newspapers piled up all over the place". She could've been talking about me and for a moment I wondered if she was. Now, the guy she was referring to is a lot messier than me, but yes, I am a hoarder and I do seem to accumulate newspapers without much effort...

Anyway, when I got home I started sorting through my stuff and have since made great progress. One of the things I came across during this decluttering was a diary I last wrote in just a few months before I left Sydney in 2007. I've been keeping journals on a regular basis for years n years, but this was a diary I'd been given as a gift and for one reason or another hadn't used it very much. I was interested to read this entry dated Thursday, 5 April. I'd just returned from a trip to Melbourne and I wrote:

It's quarter to 9 and I've woken up feeling less anxious than usual. Things will improve - I've reached a point where I realise this - though I still have no idea what's going to happen. Spending two weeks in Melbourne was great for me. Quite often I wonder why I ever left.

One thing led to another and in July of 2007 I made the move back to Melbourne, back to my home - quite literally as I ended up at my parents' house. They were going off on a trip and I house-sat for them for a few months. Things started falling into place and I've now been happily back here for over five and a half years, though I miss my friends in Sydney and try to get back there each year. The strange thing is, when I left my parents' house after the house-sitting stint I moved into a house (with a friend of a friend) on Chapel Street, which is the same street I lived on the very first time I moved out of home. It was like bookends.

A lot has happened since I've been back in Melbourne, but as you can see, not much blogging. So today I just felt like posting and seeing what happens. I'm not making any promises about returning to the blogosphere on a regular basis, but I do want to fill in some gaps or at least give an update...

After living in the share house on Chapel Street for around two and a half years I moved into a place of my own and I love it. I'm working four days a week and pursuing other interests and activities the rest of the time. I've made new friends and I still catch up with old friends all the time. I'm single and celibate, but interested in someone. I'm healthier and happier than I have been for a while. Scotty turned up unannounced late last year and he's still drinking, but I dealt with him like a grown up and he went back to Sydney (that's a whole other blog post!). I still write to Gypsy in Texas. I saw Dolly Parton in concert twice (I was in the second row for one of the shows) and I still don't have a bloody mobile phone. Some things never change.

444

I checked in tonight to see if I'd had any visitors since I posted yesterday and then I remembered it was four years ago today that I first started drift. The subject of my first post back in 2006 was Scotty, an ex-boyfriend, who has a birthday today. I thought about ringing him (we keep in touch from time to time) to wish him a happy birthday, but decided against it. Last time I heard from him (in January) he was back on the booze and wanting to come and stay with me (he lives in Sydney). I said he could come for a visit, but then I never heard from him. I partly decided not to call him tonight because it's time to move on. There have been a lot of changes in my life since we split, but Scotty repeats the same old patterns - from sobriety to being wasted (which is when I usually hear from him). I care about him, but I want to try something different and that means I'm not going to contact him just yet. I'll wait a little longer for him to call me and hopefully when he does he'll have made some worthwhile changes in his life.

Now, next time you hear from me I'll let you know about some of the changes I've made in my life...

time

Has it really been that long since I last blogged? Every now n then I check in to see if anyone's stopped by and I think it's either time to start blogging again or to put drift out of its misery once and for all. Well, I'm not ready to call it quits just yet. I just don't have regular access to the net like I once did so this sporadic blogging is the way it'll be for a little while longer.

I'm house sitting for a fortnight so I have access to the net for a change and if I have something worthwhile to say I'll be sure to come up with a post. Last time I was here I checked all the links I've got to other blogs and it seems I'm not the only one who's drifted away from the blogosphere. I wonder where everyone went...

One blogger in particular I'm wondering about today is Litzi, my friend from Melange. See, it's Litzi's birthday today and I couldn't let the opportunity pass without wishing her all the best. Of course I have no idea if she'll pop in for a visit, but I'm hoping she will. Happy Birthday Litzi, hope all is well in your neck of the woods and I'm crossing my fingers you'll stop by for a visit. If you do happen to find your way here why don't you send me an email so I can keep in touch with you more easily (seeing as you no longer have a blog).

As for the rest of you, thanks for visiting and I hope to catch up with you again some time

cobwebs

Hello? Is there anybody in here?

I thought it might be time to dust off the cobwebs and make an appearance in the blogosphere. Crikey it's been a long, long time, but it's good to know people stop by every now n then to check out whether or not I'm still kicking.

A lot has happened since my last post. Bring a bottle over sometime and we'll have a catch up. In the meantime I just wanted to let you know I'm still around and if I've got something to say I'll blog about it. As I'm feeling a bit rusty right now I've decided to post some thoughts from my friend (and sometime blog collaborator) Gypsy. We've been writing to each other for 2 1/2 years now and I'm happy to report he's doing fine - just been reclassified and is now on Minimum Custody, which means he has a lot more benefits. Check out his post and I'll be sure to pass any comments on to him...

I'll be back with a feather duster shortly

man made hell

Sometimes I sit here and wonder where I went wrong. How did I end up in this man made hell? Why? Why did I have to take the path that would lead me to wasting my life? The years seem to fly by; the wasted years of my life.

Am I the type of person who should be hidden from society? How many years of my life should be taken before I am considered reformed? I came here for a violent crime, but deep down inside I know in my heart I'm not the violent type. I've lived the last eleven years of my life with the regret of what I once did in a past life, my past life. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I go so far out of my way to stop the violence in here - to try to right the wrongs I did in my own life.

Now, in here there seem to be two types of people - those who hate me and those who love me. The ones who hate me do so because I don't know how to mind my own business, which means I don't let them prey on the weak. The others - the preyed upon - are just glad to have someone rescue them.

For eleven long years I've dwelled on my past life, my past crime. Was that really me? As I look back on that night in July '98 it really does not seem it could be eleven years that I've had to live with the regret that I let myself harm another human being. As I look at myself today it doesn't really seem possible. I won't even hurt or kill a spider (I have three of them that live in the corner of my prison cell and I feel they have as much right to be here as I do. Maybe even more).

I've suffered for the past eleven years for a crime I've always deemed self defence. But was it really self defence? Could I have defended myself without hurting the other person or am I truly like those other animals I am forced to live with who hurt a person just because they can? I would like to believe that I only did what I did to save myself. But saving myself put me here for-how-long-I-have-no-idea. And when I do get out will I be like so many others and come right back to this man made hell because I now no longer know of another way to live? Has prison changed me so much that I won't be able to adapt back to the free world? Are my fears real or are they just my mind working double time? I guess I'll never know until the day I am finally released from this man made hell

Gypsy

tutu

I'm still without the net at my new home, but fortunately I'm visiting my Mum* in Croydon tonight so I'm able to say hi to anyone who still might be reading... It just happens to be this blog's second birthday today and I couldn't let the day pass without making mention of it. I'm hoping to be back on deck very soon otherwise what's the point of having a blog? Hmmm

drift isn't the only place where there's a birthday. It's also happy milestone birthday to Miss Litzi over at the Tea Room... er Melange. Hope you had a great day Miss Litzi and I wish I could've been there to celebrate with you!

HIP HIP HOORAY!

*Dad's gone fishin' for the week

home

About 7 months ago I was on the phone to my Mum when I mentioned I was thinking of returning to Melbourne. After 7 years living in Sydney I'd reached a point where I began questioning what was keeping me there. My Mum told me she and my Dad were travelling around Australia for 4 months and if I wanted to I could house-sit for them while they were away. That's pretty much how I ended up back in Melbourne, back home...

Life was going along at a leisurely pace for a while, but that changed about a fortnight ago. I moved out of my parent's house to a share house (with one other person and a dog) in St Kilda and I got myself a job in a bookstore. I moved on the weekend of the 16th/17th and before I had time to unpack all my boxes (mostly books) I started work on the 19th. So once again life has been hectic. The same week I started work I decided to treat myself to a 6 film pass to see some Gus Van Sant films. Even less time at home to unpack. I saw the last of the 6 films - Elephant - tonight then I raced home so I could post on this once-in-4-years day. Actually I didn't race home, I came straight to my friend and neighbour's house to use his computer (and internet) while he's out seeing Margaret Cho. I haven't got the net on at home yet. No wonder I've been absent from the blogosphere

Oh, this week I also started a screenwriting course. It's all happening. I've got a new home, a new job and a new beginning. My leap of faith is paying off. And as soon as I'm back on the net you'll be hearing a lot more from me...

bullies - conclusion

It's me again - Gypsy. When I first decided to do my guest appearance on drift I had no idea I would decide to do a series. Well I guess whoever has been keeping up with this may wish to know how everything turned out in the end. So here goes...

In the end Big Mike got 15 days Solitary for the two fights. He got out of Solitary and the next day Ashly and he got back together. So once again they are a couple. I've seen Big Mike. He shook my hand and told me "thank you" for stopping him; told me that sometimes he scares himself and can't control his anger. I just looked him in the eye and I told him you don't hurt the one you love. I told him if you love that boy keep your hands off him period. All he did was look at me. We have not talked since that day nor has Ashly spoken to me. I think maybe Ashly is ashamed of the fact that he went back to Big Mike after I saved him. Who knows?

Sometimes I wonder why I can't seem to mind my own business. I mean, every time I stop a fight it seems like it doesn't do any good. Who am I to try to save the world? I'm in prison, just as they are, but it's like there are two of me and when I see somebody who does not wish to fight being made to fight I step up and say to hell with it, "He does not wish to fight you, but I will." Sometimes the fight ends there, sometimes I have to fight. And I really can't stand to fight.

Ashly went back to Big Mike and I'll never for the life of me understand why. I just hope next time he doesn't hurt Ashly as he tried before 'cause you don't hurt the one you love

Gypsy