Saturday, April 29, 2006

i've heard it all before

Scotty rang. His boyfriend was away for the week and he was lonely. I could hear in his voice he'd been drinking. We chatted for a while and I told him I was going to see a play on Thursday afternoon and I'd love him to come along. The play was starting at 2pm so if he could wait until after then to start drinking it'd be a great way for us to spend time together. I told him if he got drunk before the play I wasn't interested in seeing him. He made a note...

Thursday arrived and I caught the bus over to Glebe. When I got there at midday Scotty was sitting up in bed drinking a glass of beer. My heart sank. It obviously wasn't his first for the day. "Why are you drinking?" was something I remember asking him. In my despair I felt like crying. I showed him the note he had left for himself, which stated the day and time of the play and name of the playwright as well as two words writ large: NO DRINK. I asked him when is he going to get his shit together and start caring about himself and our friendship. I asked him how far he was prepared to go before he gets help. I was pretty calm and reasonable about it. I've had plenty of practice, so it wasn't like I was badgering him. I soon realised it was pointless saying anything reasonable to him while he's drunk. He claimed he was still coming to see the play, but I told him he wasn't coming with me. For a moment I thought he might become aggressive. Once again I see nothing much has changed in the whole time I've known him, except I'm no longer his boyfriend.

I left him in Glebe and walked to the theatre. I wondered what gives me the right to tell him he can't come to the theatre. He insisted he was okay, but despite this I didn't want him with me. I wasn't sure just how pissed he was, but he stank of alcohol, he could be unpredictable and I'd seen him drink the remaining mouthfulls of his beer while I was there so I knew he was messy enough.

When I got to the theatre I was pissed off because I realised the small cast included Scotty's cousin. It would've been a great chance for him to see her, she's a brilliant actress who deservedly received a standing ovation at the end of the performance. What a shame Scotty missed it. He rang me later that night and I told him what he'd missed. He called me a cunt and a prick (I've heard it all before) and then he calmed down and became reasonable again, but then, fortunately, the battery on his phone ran out and he was disconnected

4 Comments:

Anonymous Tupac said...

Seems like this will happen over and over again.

April 30, 2006 7:50 PM  
Blogger Miss Litzi said...

Hi Nash,
I don’t know if you’ve had much experience with alcoholism, but you probably can tell by Scotty’s behavior that he’s got a problem. I was going down this road myself several years ago; fortunately I managed to straighten my life out, thanks to a lot of help and understanding from some close friends.

Scotty’s going to have to admit to himself (which is the hardest thing imaginable) that he’s got a drinking problem. Only then will he be able to seek and accept help; perhaps AA, an “in-house” dry out center, or reaching out to ask for help from his friends. But, it’s an arduous, uphill, lifetime battle that he’ll be facing.

“What a shame Scotty missed it”; yes, because his head and mind can only focus on a bottle right now. Life will continue to pass him by until he wants to change.

June 21, 2006 11:20 AM  
Blogger nash said...

Thanks for your thoughts Miss Litzi. The thing about Scotty is he told me he's an alcoholic right from the start. He's been to AA, he's done rehab, he has continuing support (to a degree) from me. You're right about life passing him by until he wants to change. I've written about him in an earlier post if you're interested

June 21, 2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger Miss Litzi said...

Hi Nash,
Thanks for directing me to your previous post about Scotty; I wish I’d read it before reading and commenting on this one. It was extremely thought provoking and showed keen insight on your part into Scotty’s alcoholism. There’s so much I could say, but by now you’ve probably heard everything (and more) than you ever wanted to about the entire situation.

Your decision to no longer live with Scotty was exceedingly wise. It would have been too easy for you to continue being an enabler, simply because no one wants to see a person they love falling apart and suffering on a day to day basis. This way, if he does turn to you for help in the future, you’ll be strong and have put enough distance between the two of you, so you’ll be nonjudgmental and hopefully not so emotionally involved as to damage your own well being.

I hope Scotty realizes the path of self-destruction he’s on before it’s too late. I’m sure you’ve heard that you’ve got to hit rock bottom before you come to your senses; in Scotty’s case, it sounds like he’s already there. You’re in for a bumpy ride if you choose to stay on the merry-go-round.

June 22, 2006 6:07 AM  

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